Tara: What Happened.

I was sat in her car (which I paid for). She turned to look me (by turning her neck- it was that traditional style that I found so arousing, too many women in my past had used mechanical seats or a series of mirrors, but not her). I could tell that she was going to break up with me, I could see it in her eyes (plus I spotted her suitcase). I said "I know what you're going to say, I'll make it easy for you" I handed her a note:

Dear (insert name),

I loved you from the first moment I saw you (I assume). Pretty face (obviously), tits for days (hopefully) and an ass like a seven-year old boy (booya!). As you may know I was born with a hole in my heart (that's why it's a health risk for me to last longer than seventy-two seconds in bed) but you filled that hole, you filled it like cholesterol....and not just regular cholesterol but that good cholesterol that you get from food like foie gras. But now you're leaving me and the hole is even bigger (hopefully yours too, I did my best, it's hard to make an impact with only seventy-two seconds in the game). I just want you to know that you're the only woman for me......currently (disregard that statement if there was another woman).

I love you with all my broken heart (literally)

Richard

After she'd eventually finished reading the letter (her English still wasn't great). She looked up at me and cried a single tear. She had a fragility about her that I hadn't seen before...or since, subsequently she could only be described as "fiercely litigious".

Anyway, it turns out she wasn't going to break up with me, she was going to take me on a surprise holiday to Bermuda (this was not traditional, this was bang out of order). I had broken up with the love of life because she flagrantly disregarded the conventions of booking a holiday.

That's it, that's how it ended. Of course, if you read her blog on versions of events it may have subsequent chapters that sully my reputation (though I have no idea if she has a blog as my internet searches are monitored). If you should take anything away from this, it should be to never assume that someone is traditional in all the aspects of their life despite the erotic/traditional way that they turn their head.