I Am Just A Rapper

As some of you may be aware, I am a big fan of the hip hop and the rap. Big fan. I listen to all the greats, Eminem, Vanilla Ice-T, that one from the Alicia Keys song about New York, J- Zed I think his name is - All really good at the rapping. But rather than just sticking to my own niche of creative writing and appreciating the rap music from a distance, I've decided to get involved.

After a bit of research I realised that modern rappers don't just release music, they have clothing lines, fragrances, labels, all sorts of stuff...... so I'm gonna do the same.....like a sex pest with 5 penises, I'm gonna come at you from all angles.

As a rapper the first thing you need is credibility, or street credibility as they call it. Many rappers will boast about killing people or dealing drugs to improve their credibility, not a problem, I've already killed 17 people so my credibility isn't in doubt. I don't really want to go into too much, let's just say that I was the only person in my home economics class that survived......and that my Chicken Surprise really was surprising. My face is covered in tear tattoos for my fallen homies (home economics classmates). Every time I make a souffle I still pour some of the mix out for me, and some for my homies......also some so that it doesn't rise too much and fall over, there is nothing worse than a collapsed souffle. Word.

Fragrance Line

People often tell me how great I smell, "You smell great" they say, "I want to have your smell all up in me" is what women say with their eyes. Sometimes people will tell me that they imagine I smell great just from my photograph, "Just from your photograph I think you look like you smell great", "I imagine smelling you and it being glorious", "I imagine you smell like what I imagine Dolph Lundgren would smell like". I am just giving the people what they want, starting with my Blood, Sweat and Tears range.

A lot of people say that they put their blood, sweat and tears in to their work but that's just a figure of speech. Well I am going to do it, literally........okay, not literally, I'm actually outsourcing the work to Thailand. I've contacted Nike and they've let me, for a fee, harvest the bodily fluids of their workers. The blood is easy enough to get and the sweat is abundant...it's a sweat shop, it was getting the tears that was the problem. I came up with genius solution: If the Thai person, or "Spicy Chinese" as I call them, can't cry, then I just inform them that they would have to work every day for 17 years to afford one bottle of my fragrance, works every time.

I have named each of my fragrance's and written their tag lines as well. Is there anything I can't do (to a mediocre standard)?

- The Blood fragrance is called Transfusion. Transfusion: You want what I have.
- My Sweat fragrance is called Perspiration: You want my hard work on you.
- Tears fragrance is called Essence. Essence: My passion. Your face.....neck and tits.

My App


Like most rappers I hate being informed. I will purposely go out of my way to avoid learning anything. If someone asks my opinion on whether I saw something then I will guess, if my guess isn't right then the truth ain't worth knowing. My misinformation app will make sure that you're never informed. It will tell you what you think you already know, that way you can go around spouting views like Kanye West and nobody will ever tell you that you're wrong......How do I know that it's a great idea? Cos I thought of it, 'nuff said.


My Music

We all know that the actual music is the least important part of making money as a rapper, Soulja Boy proved that. I've decided that my music will be more old school, more chilled out than the gangster rap of today.....but not very good. I will call on the influences of  De La Soul, Dilated Peoples, Jurassic 5, Run-DMC etc. Mixing all that together to create my own music......that will be shit. If you're interested then lyrics from my first single can be found here - http://flus2006.tumblr.com/ (The lyrics are written in character (a bad white rapper) not by me, mine would be much better, of course)

My Rap Name

I was rapping under the name Magnus Opus for six months before I found out that it didn't mean Big Penis (rap fans really love those Latin jokes that work on two levels). I have been considering a few names,  Ice Flow, The Cystitis Kid, Balls Deep, China White, MC STD......but I decided on Cum 'N' Thunder - We were originally gonna be a group but Thunder dropped out due to commitments at medical school. I'd already had 14,000 T-shirts printed with "C 'N' T: All that's missing is U" on, so I had to stick with the name. So I'm MC C 'N' T (The Mc C n T is due to replace the Fillet-O-Fish at all McDonald's from December).

So that's it, soon you won't be able to move without being saturated with Cum 'N' Thunder. I can't wait.