My mother was a single parent, technically my father was too, neither of my parents are conjoined twins. As a single mother she didn't have a lot of money and was unable to take me on holiday. I dreamed of going somewhere outside of Preston, somewhere different, somewhere sunny. Anyway, after months and months of saving my mother scraped together enough money for us to go to Rhyl. It was cheaper to go during term-time so I would have to take time out of school. Run, swim, cycle, I did everything, everything I could to get to school while my mother was in Rhyl. I made the right choice.
One winter my mother was packing to go to Australia when she stopped and and said she had a surprise. She had bough me a ticket to spend Christmas in Australia. I remember sitting on her knee and asking her what Australia was like. She told me that it was the exact opposite side of the world and it was upside down. I asked her how people walked around if it was upside down, she said that they had to wear special space-shoes designed by NASA, I was so excited.......sadly I couldn't go in the end as I had A-level exams in early January.
I'm now 23 and have yet to leave this country, though I have had my foreign experiences. The first woman I slept with was foreign, German I think. She had limited English and I speak no German but we bonded over our mutual love of Jurgen Klismann, she said she loved the way he dived head-first into turf whenever he scored.....I said that it seems a little redundant if you've already scored but I was a virgin and eager to please. I got her sufficiently drunk and it was on, I took my clothes off and started to get down to it, she started screaming "nein, nein" (German for nine, nine, I think). I said "thank you very much, I'm more of a seven and a half but thanks anyway". I woke and and she was gone. I later tried to contact her on facebook but she rejected my friend request and sent me a message calling me a "rapist", which I think is German for "quick in bed"- but hey it was my first time.
