The main facets of my blogs are truth and humour. Now I'm certainly as truthful as I ever was (I don't trust the Japanese. I don't like using condoms), I think the problem is that I'm just not funny any more. It's not that I've lost my sense of humour, I saw an elderly woman fall down some stairs the other day, laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself.....she did, I think she burst her catheter....hilarious. I think the problem is that I've lost my ability to create, though this is only limited to writing (I've already paid for 3 abortions this month).
I don't know what to do to get my creativity back. I've looked at other artists and tried to use some of their techniques to get back the magic- I tried shitloads of absinthe like a 19th century painter but afterwards I could neither hold a pen or use a keyboard (I did paint a six-foot cock on my wall in shit but Damien Hurst had already done that); I tried smack like jazz musicians but then I was too busy giving blowjobs for more smack to write anything; I tired LSD like Lennon and McCartney but I was too busy giving blowjobs to a pink, inflatable dragon to write; I tried crack like Pete Doherty but I was too busy sweating uncontrollably to give blowjobs.....I mean to write anything. I had to give up trying drink and drugs to help me write as I had a nasty RSI injury, sadly not from writing too much.
It's always been my motto to look on the bright side of life, though due to a recent injury I find it difficult to move my head, whether it be towards the bright side or not. I just hope that I can eventually write something new- I'm not a greedy man, I don't want to write Arrested Development or anything that good, just the asswater I usually produce would be fine........now, is it true that one of the Proclaimers would smoke crystal meth while his twin brother mercilessly beat a woman? And if so, which did which and who was the creative one?
