Muammar Gaddafi - Human Rights Atrocities

In June of this year Muammar Gaddafi was charged with crimes against humanity by the International Criminal Court. When informed of this Gaddafi was angered, though his face did little to express this feeling. His advisor described Gaddafi's reaction as, "Non-plussed, his face looked more bizarre than average, but nothing out of the ordinary for him". He went on to say, "His face looks like melting gelatin at the best of times, much like he has a rubber mask of a face over his own face, and then he has been unsuccessful in clawing it off. It's a mess, like the ballbag of a mannequin."

Though the charges pertain to Gaddafi's knowledge and involvement in the rape and murder of the people of Libya, there are other allegations that have only recently come to light. I am here to let the world  know what a horrible man Gaddafi is.

• He forces prisoners to watch back-to-back episodes of You've Been Framed, but he has the laughter track removed so they have no idea when to laugh. They just sit their in a confused malaise. Sickening.
• He makes all his bodyguards urinate at the same time, and each man has to hold the penis of the man to the left. Any soldier that shakes another man's penis more than three times is branded a gay and has to be spanked by Gaddafi.
• He allows his soldiers to watch the latest Hollywood blockbusters. However, he replaces the subtitles with haikus about soviet irrigation.
• He offers Libyan men free vasectomies to "Help control population". Gadaffi then poses as a doctor, anaesthetises the men but doesn't perform the vasectomy. While they're unconscious Gadaffi takes delight in shaving their pubic hair. The patient leaves none the wiser.
• He issues cotton buds to all the staff in his compound. He then makes each member off staff use them in front of him. But rather than allowing them the pleasure of swirling the tip around in their ear and cleaning their cavity, he makes them push the cotton bud in too far, past the point of pleasure so that it feels as though it's poking their brain.
• He watches X-Factor
• He recreates episodes of Challege Anika, though he wears leather pants with the ass cut out. He forces the director to follow very closely as he climbs stairs
• He forces the people of Tripoli to attend concerts he puts on. Gadaffi dresses as Bruce Springsteen and performs Born To Run very badly, over and over for up to thirteen hours. Anybody who runs is shot.
• His iPad can only be unlocked if he and his advisor both swipe their penis' on the screen at the same time. The screen auto-locks after 10 seconds.
• He had the Libyan Post Office issue a range of double-sided stamps. On the front was a picture of his penis, on the back a picture of his anus. The stamps in Libya are not self-adhesive.
• He blindfolds his wife and then handcuffs her to the bed. He then performs exquisite oral sex on her, taking her to the brink of ecstasy, at which point he stands up, says "Adios muchahco" and sits and watches The Crystal Maze reruns on Challenge TV. With her hands bound, his wife cant even frapp herself to completion. She just lies in her wet mess, listening to Gaddafi woop  in delight at The Crystal Maze.
• His guest bedroom is decorated with pictures of clowns with sharp teeth.
• He erected a staue of himself that overlooks a lake in Tripoli. He insisted that the statue has a huge, erect penis. He then hung a rope swing from the penis. He smiles with unbridled delight every time he sees a young child swinging from his penis.
• He dresses up as his own wife and tries to seduce his body doubles. If they decline he has them whipped, naked. If they accept he lets them fumble around his downstairs until they realise that he's a man, he then has them whipped, naked.
• He dips his penis and balls in his wife's make up. He then goes to the doctors claiming it's a tropical form of cock-rot he got from making love to a mermaid. He gets the doctors to inspect his penis for hours before washing it off and saying that he healed himself with the powers of his own mind. He will do this twice a month.
• He listens to U2 

I think we can all agree that the price on his head is not enough. He is one of the sickest, most twisted dictators in history....and clearly obsessed with penises. It's time for us to depose and dispose of him, he would be perfect for an effigy, his face already looks as though it's been too close to a fire. Get it done.