What Men Think About

Women like to quote the fact that men think about sex every eight seconds (72 seconds during sex), they band that fact around like it's a bad thing. But what if sex didn't mean sex? What if sex meant "volunteering for a children's hospital" or "buying your girlfriend an expensive gift" then it wouldn't be so bad would it? Think about that the next time you bang on about our overactive minds- if sex meant "god, I really love my girlfriend" then you'd wish we thought about it every second.

Now, our female friends may be of the opinion that we don't think about sex when we're with them, that our overactive libido's and perverted minds wouldn't stretch to them whilst we're having a Platonic chat. Well Platonic relationships between men and women fall into three categories: women we don't want to sleep with, women who've said that they don't want to sleep with us and women who we haven't yet thought about sleeping with. If you are in the third category, you won't be for long; attractive female friends are like having a doughnut in the fridge: You'll ignore it for a while, you'll try other foods, but eventually you'll realise that you have a doughnut in your fridge (F.Y.I-Doughnut eating and lip-licking may be fun but sleeping with your friends is a bad idea).

On meeting an attractive women there are certain things that go through a man's mind: How fit is she out of ten? What does she look like naked? What are the chances she'll sleep with me (sober)? These are questions that come in to our mind and are answered almost subconsciously, we know the answers as soon as we see the new woman - It's instinct. Now, I can't speak for all men so I won't, but I will speak for the strange man sat in my chair (me). I like to go beyond these questions and go into a little more detail: What type of underwear is she wearing? What do her nipples/areolas look like? What is the pubic hair situation? - I find it fun if I do get to see them naked (rarely), I like to see if I was right. Now, whether I'm just the shittest guesser in the world (possibly) or whether I just don't know women's bodies (more likely) I never get it right. You're hoping for small nipples and areolas and a tight landing strip. You get areolas the size and texture of chocolate-chip cookies with nipples like monkey's fingers, and pubic hair so thick Ray Mears would get lost...... The fun is in the guessing....and then in the fucking (for me anyway, I don't know/care what she's thinking).

Now you know what I'm thinking if I meet you, provided you are an attractive women (If not then I'm wondering if you have any fit friends). Don't let this put you off talking to me though, I might be a pervert and I might think about sex every eight seconds, but I think about football and cars too. Ladies, form an orderly queue.