The Greatest Night Of My Life

Our eyes locked from across the bar. I broke the stare to check out the rest of her. She looked cheap. She looked cheap in a way that suggested she'd done stuff in the presence of clergymen and animals. She looked cheap in a way that made me want to drape her over furniture.
I smiled to her and she smiled back, she then picked the olive out of her drink, put it between her teeth and sucked the pit out. I looked towards the floor and smiled to myself. When I looked up she had her whole fist in her mouth, she was my kind of girl. 


I went over and introduced myself. I shook her hand (still wet) and asked her what she was drinking. She told me it was an Astroturf (creme de menthe, creme de cacao, milk, chocolate syrup) - She told me that it was named after her, cos once you lay it, it stays around forever. I told her I'll get her a Tumbledryer (vodka, milk, baileys, creme de cacao and kahlua)- I told her that it's called a Tumbledryer cos once you drop a load in it, you don't need it for a couple of days. Get used to it!


The drinks flowed and so did the conversation. She told me that in highschool they called her "Titanic" cos so many men had gone down on her, I said "Oh, I thought it was cos you were full of seamen" - she just laughed (we were both right). Then she gave me a piercing look (she was also staring intently behind me due to her lazy eye). The one that was looking at me cut me to the core. She took her hand and traced a finger down my cheek, she then cupped my face and said "I want you to fuck me whilst shaking me like an English  au pair"- I've never felt so turned on.


The evening moved on and we moved back to my place. Now, a gentleman doesn't divulge  intimate details, let's just say that  I banged her four times and then called her a taxi. I'm no gentleman.


The only reason I'm telling you this is because until last night that was "the greatest night of my life".......last night I took Crystal Meth.