Women

Women are amazing. Women are up there with drinking and bear-baiting as the greatest things on earth. The greatest moment of my life is the night I combined all three, I can't go into details but lets just say that I had to smash the "honey pot" to get my hand out. Woman are special, from the touch of their skin, the scent of their neck and the pleading face that insecure women give when you're fucking them; They're almost flawless.

It's not all good though, they are also liars. They say that they want to sleep with you, but when you get them back to yours they change their mind when you insist on them taking a silkwood shower. Oh like I'm supposed to give you the best seventy-two seconds of your life without you being properly decontaminated, not on my watch Tara! (though I do like to watch, Tara)

I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if women could be more like the ones from my dreams, but a world filled with Asian sex-workers would be impractical, sure we'd get smaller, cheaper and more efficient sex-workers, but real prostitutes are disgusting. The Japanese should stick to making smaller, cheaper, efficient cars and leave the "Handa Jazz" to my dreams. (The "Handa Jazz" joke is funny if you say it in a stereotypically racist, generic Chinese accent)

In conclusion, I'm twenty-two, average looks and build, G.S.O.H (see above) looking for a woman who likes long walks, doesn't lie and won't tell me that my hand will definitely fit, whilst taunting a bear. Please leave your details in the comment section below.