Arguing

I worked as a debt collector for a number of years which means I know something about the art of arguing. I have also had my nose broken twice, which means that I don't always get people to see my side (And have slow reactions). Arguing is fun and arguing leads to fun. Every argument that I have been in has lead to either sex, money, a lawsuit or a fight - one time it was all four but it isn't as good as it sounds; I used my settlement from oxycontin to pay a hooker to hit me.

As a debt collector I learned how to win an argument. If somebody is unable to pay you, first threaten legal action. If they still can't pay then you threaten physical action. If they still refuse to pay then you threaten the eyes of their youngest/unborn children- simple.

If you want a good argument then you should argue over beliefs rather than facts; facts can be proven, but beliefs can only be destroyed (which is much more fun). The big arguments are always fun; abortion, religion, evolution, necrophilia - these are all a matter of belief, faith and opinion. F.Y.I I'm pro-choice, agnostic, I think Darwin, Attenborough and Dawkins are the closest thing to God, and only on Halloween.

Tie-breaks- If you are unable to settle an argument, because your adversary wont back down or is physically stronger than you then there are certain things you have to do to win:**

1. Question their sexuality- "Wow, I didn't know sucking cock made you a fucking idiot" - saying these as aggressively as possible will really get your point across.

2. Refuse to listen to them and keep repeating the same point over and over until they leave (winning by default is still winning)

3. Edit wikipedia to prove that you're correct, this can be done from any laptop, P.C or mobile phone.

4. Getting a friend to back you up, a good friend should do this anyway even if they know that you're wrong, shouldn't they Steve.

5. Pretend that you suddenly forgot to speak English, your opponent will just walk away, confused? Sure, but you still kinda win.

**Please note that these rules do not apply if one of the argumentiators (a cross between argument and gladiator- brilliant) is a woman, the man wins by default. If both argumentiators are women then the argument is irrelevant**