Alcohol

Alcohol is such an important part of my life that I can't believe I haven't done a blog about it previously. Leaving it nearly two years to write about alcohol would be like me naming my favourite films non-stop, but taking 12 hours to think of Interracial Ass-Stretchers 4 (a classic of the genre, the mise-en-scene alone raises it above 3).

Like Interracial Ass-Stretchers 4, my life has been rather up and down (and sometimes painful). There have bad times (like the time I got punched by a fat lady on the bus) and there have been good times (like the time I thought I saw John Belushi on the bus), but throughout it all there has been alcohol.

When your life is uncertain or complicated, you need something constant. Something definite that will always be as it was (except the new Sailor Jerry's recipe). The outcome of a night out can be determined by so many things, many different ingredients that all come together for you to have a good night out - alcohol isn't one of them. If you have a bad location, or company, or if you're in a bad mood, then it can all go wrong. But no matter where you are or who you're with, tequila is still tequila, vodka is still vodka.

It's not all good. On many occasions alcohol has lead my to do bad things (and ugly things). It has caused me to say things that hurt people or to fall down things that hurt me, but that isn't the alcohol's fault. It is up to me, the drinker, to drink the correct amount. I can't blame vodka for calling my friend a "silly bitch" - I can blame myself for drinking too much, I can blame myself for thinking she's a silly bitch and then speaking, or I can blame her for being a silly bitch. Alcohol was just an innocent bystander (I was lead down in the street).

Remember don't blame it on the alcohol. She did nothing wrong:

She cools you down on a warm summer's day,
She warms you up on a cold winter's evening.
She can cheer you up,
She numbs the pain.
She is the zenith and nadir,
The day and the night.
My everything.

Now I'll raise a glass to alcohol......and another one......and another one....