Aversion Therapy

Sometimes we like to do things that we shouldn't (alcohol, drugs, shower-crying). I'm a liberal person who believes that people should be allowed to do whatever makes them happy, as long as it doesn't hurt or effect the happiness of other people. So, auto-erotic asphyxiation, good. Strangling prostitutes, bad - It's very simple.

Sometimes we can't stop doing certain things because they are compulsive behaviors (nail-biting, bed-wetting, prostitute strangling) or because we have become addicted to a substance or practice (smoking, drinking, strangling prostitutes). Aversion therapy can help with many addictions and even compulsive behaviors.

•  If you're an alcoholic or drug addict then you can use emetics that cause you to become violently sick when you consume alcohol or opiates. 
• If you bite your nails then you can dip them in something foul tasting (this also applies to homosexuality and a man's anus, not sure what you'd dip it in though)
• If you're a bed wetter then place a flat-screen television (on mute, obviously) under the sheets, I guarantee that if you do wet your bed, you won't do it a second time.
• If you're addicted to stealing things then read on the internet why inmates punch each other in the kidneys in prison, you'll never steal again....or commit any crime.

Mine was not one of the above problems, not that I don't have any of them, just that they're not my primary concern. If your problem is not one of the above then you need to use my method to help overcome it. 

First you need photos of what you're trying to overcome or come over in my case (it was my ex, Tara). Get a selection of photos (long range, close-up, nightvision, on a date with that prick she's now seeing). Once you have them you need to intersperse them with photos of something you find horrific and deplorable - I chose the holocaust (I don't like where this is going). Simply attach yourself (my balls) to something which can give you an electric shock on demand (a car battery). Shuffle the photos, lay them face down and turn one over at a time. Every time a photo of Tara comes up- I electrocute myself. When a photo of Hitler, a Nazi or a concentration camp does- I do nothing. Do this for 30 minutes, or until you're so dehydrated that you can't cry any more, whichever comes first.

I repeat this night after night, night after night, until the effects of this process become ingrained in my subconscious (about 3 months, or the time it takes for Steve to tell Tara he loves her, prick). In theory this should trick my brain into thinking that Tara is worse than Hitler and the murder of six million Jews.

Sadly, the process was only somewhat successful. I save a lot of money on pornography as I now get turned on by most of the output on The History Channel. And though I do still find Tara attractive, I'm so terrified of car batteries that I'm too scared to drive to her house, climb a tree, strap on some nightvision goggles and stare through her window. Not exactly perfect but I'll take it.

No matter what you can't stop doing there is always a solution.I'm working through all my demons one at a time- If only god would stop making prostitutes that smell like her, it would make it a bit easier.