Passion

In the New Testament the account of the arrest, trial, torture, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ (of Nazareth) is known as The Passion of Christ- Now I'm not going to slag off Mr.Jesus Christ (of Nazareth), some people believe he was a great man. All I will say is that if he was passionate about being tortured and crucified, imagine what he'd do if he tried Crystal meth -  Never mind three days, he'd be back every day looking like he'd just risen from the dead (if you are a Christian and offended by that, forgive me).

Passion is the reason life is worth living- Sex, music, art, design, socialising, all that jazz (and jazz). We do it cos we're passionate about it, we do it cos it makes us feel alive. Would I drink if I wasn't passionate about the distillation process? Would I dance if I didn't feel passionate about music and dancing? (yeah, if I'd had some distilled passion) Would I go bear-baiting if I didn't feel passionate about it? (yes, but only cos I'm also passionate about gambling).

I'm a regular red-blooded male (since my experimental blood transfusion, it used to be green, I got tired of people thinking I was jealous). I get very passionate about a lot of things. I tend to shout a lot (at bears that don't place). The problem with passion is that it needs an outlet somewhere otherwise you end up misappropriating the energy elsewhere.

Example - Women are what make men the most passionate. We want them. We need them. The problem with me is that the women don't generally want me. The proximity to these women, coupled with my overactive imagination leads to extreme passion and energy build-up. In the hands of a normal male, most of the energy would be released with fucking - With me it's released in my fucking hands. Of course wanking does not expend the same amount of energy as my 72 seconds of sex, so the remaining energy has to go elsewhere - Running at the gym, playing football, shouting at complete strangers, the usual.

It's even worse if you like a particular woman. "Rather than man's genetic impulse to fuck every woman they find remotely attractive, being extremely attracted to one woman is much worse" - (Charles Darwin, at his wife's funeral, 1896). The amount of passion and energy builds up exponentially, your mind races and you find it difficult to contain all these bubbling emotions. You can't help it though, the passion and the attraction has taken control. She's telling you about her day but you don't hear a thing cos your mind is thinking "I'd really like to see how she masturbates, so if I were to go down on her I could make her come really hard." - While you were imagining that you weren't listening to what she has to say, the conversation dies and she excuses herself to go to the toilet. You watch her walk away then stab a fork into you thigh just so you can think of anything but the sight of her masturbating.

The night continues in a similar vein. She thinks you're creepy cos all you do is stare and mumble. At the end of the night you walk her home. You have aggressive sex with a prostitute that smells like her. Murder a tramp on the way home.

Passion is the reason we do everything good in life. You may go to work everyday to earn money, but it's the things you're passionate about that you spend it on. Without passion there'd be nothing, no art, music, no Italian food. Nothing. Sure we'd still have politicians and the Germans but I don't wanna live in that world. So the next time you get in a knife-fight with the person that took the last vanilla crown at Tesco, do it with a smile on your face, cos where would we be without passion?