Curriculum Vitae

I've been looking to get some part-time work over summer and I thought that this would be a good place to put up my C.V. If you know anybody that is looking to hire someone then please pass it on.

Richard James Howarth

Let's get things straight from the start, if you were looking for someone who is on time and does what they're told then you're gonna be gutted. I'm a maverick. I used to work at a printing company, one day we ran out of white paper and just started using blue. The boss calls me into his office and tells me that he liked my use of initiative and he called me "Maverick", since then I've tried to cultivate that nickname. Do I use spellcheck? Absolutly not. Do I spike the water cooler with hallucinogenics? Most definitely. Have I had sex on my desk? Sort of. Us renegades don't play by the rules, we break 'em and then make our own. I often arrange dog fights and other bloodsports to take place at lunch time. I will not wear pants. I also like working as part of a team and I am willing to work weekends. Maverick!

Experience

2002-2005: Big Business Bullshit

Working for the man

• Turning up everyday
• Not being drunk
• Not selling meth-amphetamines on business premises
• Burning the candle at both ends
• Serving burgers 

2005-2007: Entrepreneur
Kingpin/Tony Montana

• Importing/exporting
• Organising a large team
• Not getting high of my own supply
• Smacking bitches upside the head
• Driving an ice-cream van 

2007-2011: Unemployed
Laying Low

• Being totally stealth and badass
• Playing Donkey Kong
• Eating takeaway
• Not paying taxes
• Living in my mum's basement
• Getting Hench

Education
While many people were reading books and passing exams, I was graduating top of my class in the school of life. I may not be the best at equations or algorithms but I can tell you 1/8th of an ounce is 3.55grams, who needs to know more than that? I know how to fix dog fights and how to make it appear like your company is profitable. I also went to Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Hogwarts and I have a degree in Science and Making Money.

Additional Experience

• Powerpoint
• Synergy
• Recycling
• Carbon Emissions 
• Tax Evasion
• Barack Obama
• Jetpacks
• The Internet

Interests
Drinking, High Stakes Gambling, Moonlighting as a Gigolo, Recreational Drugs, Unprotected Sex, Forming Unions, Bomb Threats, Skiing.

All references are unavailable due to them either being dead or filthy liars. 

My word is my word.