Reasons Why I'm Cool

I was recently having a conversation with a friend and we had a difference of opinion over the popular music of The Bruno Mars. My friend said that The Bruno Mars was "Brilliant, a real class act", whereas I said they were "Total shit, a scourge to humanity". He then said that I was out of touch and that I wasn't cool. I'm well known for my rapier wit so I quickly scythed him down with, "You're not cool". Quick as a flash he returned with "You are the one who is not cool", understandably, I had no comeback for this, so I just punched him in the face and left.

I know that I am cool and I don't need to prove it. If you do have to prove that you're cool then you obviously aren't cool. Here is a list of reasons why I'm cool -

- I can skateboard
- One of my parents is black
- My Television, phone, tablet PC and penis are highly touch sensitive.
- I've never seen a Lord of the Ring
- I have two leather jackets
- I have fingered a girl at a bus stop
- I listen Urban Hymns while walking in the sunshine.
- I'm a big fan gratuitous nudity
- I have a pet llama called AIDs
- I know karate
- I shave my pubic hair
- I've had sex both with and on a jet ski
- I have an extra testicle
- I think reading is gay
- I have wrestled three midgets
- I refuse to wear condoms
- I once got paid for sex (I actually robbed a girl while she was sleeping but it still counts)
- I don't give a fuck about sunsets
- I often disappoint my mother
- I smell like what I imagine Dolph Lundgren smells like
- I have a 50m swimming certificate
- I drink myself to sleep most nights.
- I take steroids.
- I call my penis The Dark Marauder
- I have an albino cat called Dubstep
- I can't dance
- I often refer to cool things as being "Boss"
- I start rapping every time I hear Superman by Eminem
- My ex-girlfriend is now a lesbian


So there you have it, you may have thought that you were cool but you're obviously not as cool as me, just think about that next time you want to go toe-to-toe about The Bruno Mars or any other topic. Also, if I lose I will punch you in the face - Bam! What was that? Oh, it was just my fists, Cool Breeze and Vanilla Heat (pretty cool fist names), so remember that.